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And a resounding hello to all my new converts!

As the title of this post suggests, this entry deals with 'struggling'. Right now I am struggling - with school work, due to something that is rather out of my control. I am usually a very confident person; I am secure in my abilities to deal with whatever travails life throws at me. But lately that has been called into question - my self-esteem, usually well-cared for and flourishing, has taken a hit. 

I only realised a few weeks ago just how bad it's become - I don't intend to reveal the full extend of what I'm dealing with (I wish to retain privacy in this sense, so bear with me) but it affects my memory. I cannot remember things - simple as that. No, it's not that I'm forgetting random stuff, like everyone else I know - that's a normal part of the stress of Uni and of life in general. I cannot remember details of what I read, of what I've just studied, of the last Latin verb I've just heard my teacher read out. It is affecting my studies - so badly that I will fail a subject if I do not do something about it.

So, I'm looking for help: I've notified my lecturer of my problem, I've made an appointment with Student Services to see what options are available to me, and I am being less hard on myself as I realise that this is not my fault due to laziness but just something that has happened.

This is very scary, especially to someone like me that has never had a crises of self-esteem. Sounds pretentious, I know but it is true: I've always been confident if push comes to shove that I can deal - but not now. No matter how hard I'm trying what I'm trying, it does not work. I am not getting anywhere.

Therefore, it is time to bring this into the open: get help. Talk to people who may know ways of dealing with this that I am not aware of. The worst thing I can do is just sit there and blame myself for failing; feeling as if there is just nothing I can do. I might not be able to help myself directly but I can most certainly help myself indirectly by asking for help.

This is very important: to anyone out there, who is reading this, if you are struggling: ASK FOR HELP. You are not alone - trust me: if you knew me, you could not tell that I'm having a hard time. You would have no clue. But there you go - I am struggling and really badly. And I'm asking for help. This is not a show of weakness - this is a show of strength. I am saying, 'I want to help myself - the best way to help myself, right now, is to ask for help from people who are able to see this situation in a new light, with tools that I am not aware of.'

And that, my dears, is all I have to say ... for now  

Until we meet again!